![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Perhaps these will spark your own creativity and desire to serve.īe an example. How will you use your skills in your community? What follows is a brief summary of our conference musings. Want to master these crucial skills? Attend one of our public training workshops in a city near you.At this year’s REACH Conference, I had the pleasure of interacting with a hundred or so VitalSmarts Certified Trainers in breakout sessions entitled “Using Your Skills in the Community.” I walked away from our conversations with a renewed interest in serving in my own community, and I think other attendees felt similarly. I hope some of these suggestions help you find peace and cleanliness! Take responsibility for your needs not their behavior. In the aggregate, are the pluses bigger than the minuses? If so, choose to stay-and take responsibility for your choice. At the end of the day, if you don’t like how your roommates behave, you’ve got a choice to make. It absolves you of emotional responsibility as your moods become the product of others’ choices. And nothing makes you feel more like a victim than hanging your happiness on making others change. The only person whose behavior you can control is you. Don’t hope for appreciation from them-just appreciate the state of things yourself. Let go of the burden of manipulation and pick up the broom or dishrag yourself-for yourself. ![]() To take this step, you’ll need to surrender the resentment you feel from their failure to live up to your standards. If your roommates don’t care enough to take any additional action, you have the option of cleaning the house the way you want (so long as they don’t mind the smell of Febreze). If you’ve tried both exploring and negotiating with little success or progress, then you really only have two options moving forward. If there is a basis for negotiation, be sure you come to clear expectations and consequences for failure that you and they can live with. They may not care about having a clean living room, but they may care about having a preferable parking spot, or an evening with the house to themselves, etc. If there is sufficient dissatisfaction to agree on a new system of responsibility and consequences, then you’re home free. Hold a conversation with your roommates to see if there is any mutual dissatisfaction with the status quo. There are two ethical and effective ways to get there: With that said, you are fully within your rights to want a clean apartment. When I would “succeed” in “changing someone’s behavior,” I rewarded myself with self-deceptive hubris-which inevitably led to future episodes of judgment, alienation, and resentment. This goal resulted in feelings of judgment, alienation, and resentment. My greatest parenting and leadership failures have come when I have given myself the task of changing another person’s behavior. After a recent lecture, a man approached me excitedly to explain that he now had some great ideas for how to “get my wife to lose weight.” Can you hear the problem? You begin to scheme and strategize on covert tactics to achieve your self-centered goal. If your goal is changing someone else’s behavior, your motives are essentially manipulative. Problems in relationships begin anytime you try to “get them to do” something. They resent your attempts to cajole them into changing.They don’t care about your cleanliness standards as much as you do.There are three possible reasons for your roommates’ behavior. I end up being the one to have to take responsibility for everyone else’s mess. I tried to talk to them about it but any attempt to reform their behavior only lasts a day or two. How do I get my roommates to clean up after themselves? They don’t seem to care about the mess they make and how dirty our house gets. ![]()
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |